In too deep
by SnowyPrecipice
Summary: Post Thriller Bark. I know this may have been done before, but I really wanted to have a hand at angst, so... Pardon me for some incoherence and a fairly umm, bad ending. Sanji with established Zosan, with some of the crew. Reviews always welcome!


It took a while for Sanji to realise why he was so upset; why he was so deeply affected by what had happened. And it pained him considerably to even admit to himself, but he realized he had fallen completely for the damn marimo, to the point that the thought of life without him wasn't something he would ever contemplate.

That's why, when he had regained consciousness, and he couldn't find Zoro anywhere, he felt fear consume him. He couldn't breathe, not yet, not until…

And there Zoro stood, covered in an unimaginable amount of blood, eyes staring ahead but not focused on anything, arms folded. It was almost surreal, seeing him stand there, so stoic and unmoving. He felt his voice catch, and he couldn't say anything until he was right next to the other man, taking everything in with his eyes.

Zoro had been a complete moron about it, brushing off Sanji's concern (despair, inside), though Sanji could see he was barely hanging on. Then Zoro had collapsed into his arms, the blood seeping into Sanji's clothes and not stopping. Sticky with blood and fear, he had brought Zoro back to Chopper, eyes pleading and hopeless.

Still, Zoro had survived, and Sanji swore he'd never let Zoro see him so shaken and so vulnerable, ever.

He'd severed their relationship not long after that, feeling cruel because Zoro was still badly injured, but he had had enough. He was terrified that he could feel such raw fear of someone else dying, and no matter how many lives Zoro had, eventually his ridiculous bravado and recklessness would get him killed.

And Sanji couldn't deal with that, not when they had _that_ kind of relationship. He pictured Zoro's bloody corpse lying still on the ground, and his mind reeled at the thought. What _would_ he do if that ever happened? He didn't even want to think about it. He didn't ever want to imagine what he'd feel.

Things went back to a suitable normality in a few weeks, except their quarrels were forced, and they never really met each others' eyes anymore. Sanji was furious that Zoro hadn't even argued when he'd broken it off, but relieved at the same time.

He didn't want to explain anything to Zoro. He couldn't tell Zoro that he only did it because he was _weak_; that his fear overcame his love for the other man.

Sanji knew Zoro would eventually confront him about it, but he told himself if that time came, he wouldn't say a word.

He leaned back against the kitchen counter, inhaling and exhaling slowly. He missed everything about Zoro, down to the smell of his sweat and the gentle way his earrings would chime when Sanji ran a finger over them… Then he remembered why he cut off the relationship and reminded himself it was better this way in the long run.

No sense being so… _enraptured_ by someone else to the point the thought of him dying was like he himself would stop breathing.

Zoro entered the kitchen, and as usual, they ignored each other's presence. Sanji watched out of the corner of his eye as the swordsman grabbed the pitcher of water roughly and poured out a cup of water.

He suddenly turned, as if he knew he was being watched, and Sanji was too slow. Their eyes met, and again he was totally captivated by those dark irises. He forced himself to tear his eyes away.

Zoro put the cup of water down and came close; too close. Sanji itched to move away, but he had known this was coming.

"You aren't even going to give me a reason, are you?" Zoro's voice startled Sanji. He'd been so used to not talking to him lately.

"If you knew, why bother asking?" Sanji snapped, retracting his arm when he saw Zoro reach out.

Zoro maintained a calm expression; almost nonchalant, but Sanji knew otherwise.

There was a long, excruciating silence, and Sanji took out a cigarette from his pack. He was going to light it when – "I wouldn't have died, you know. I have too many reasons to continue living."

Sanji fumbled with the lighter and caught it before it fell to the floor. He didn't respond, and Zoro continued.

"One, I haven't become the best swordsman in the world, and I swore to Kuina I'd keep that promise."

Sanji flicked the lighter, but it was too weak to generate any flame.

"Two, I haven't made Luffy the Pirate King." Zoro's voice rumbled pleasantly, and Sanji felt a tad soothed.

"And I have _you_, love cook." He said very softly, and the nickname he hadn't used in ages sent a thrill down Sanji's spine. But it awoke something Sanji had tried to stifle the past few weeks, and it made him mad.

"What makes you think I want to hear any of this, shithead?" Sanji's hands were shaking as he tried the lighter again. All those emotions and fears overwhelmed him, and he felt a bit lightheaded.

"I think you need to." Zoro said, and the lighter fell out of Sanji's hands with a violent clatter. Zoro picked it up and lit the cigarette dangling from Sanji's mouth in a fluid motion.

"Get out." Sanji said. He wasn't ready for this, after all.

Zoro did leave, but his last words were ringing clearly in Sanji's mind.

_I have you…_

(((())))

He lied to himself that everything was over between them, because it would be too painful otherwise. Zoro made a conscious effort to _make_ everything appear normal to the rest of their crew, and Sanji was grateful to him, not that Zoro would ever know.

He hated their strained silences, and that the fire had gone out from their fights. He hated that as time passed, he couldn't quite read Zoro's every expression; couldn't understand all his actions.

The time they had spent before was slowly fading, becoming a very dream-like memory in Sanji's mind. But at night, unencumbered by any thought except sleep and lying in his hammock, he could still feel Zoro's breath on his neck, and clumsy kisses trailing his shoulder…

If his crew noticed anything had happened, they never asked, though Luffy never again called their fights "funny", and Usopp never worried about them killing each other. Nami, who arranged the watch schedule, made it so that Zoro and Sanji would not meet while exchanging their watches, and Sanji did not ask her why.

Despite her efforts, Zoro entered the Crow's Nest one night, way past midnight.

"It's my watch." Sanji said apprehensively.

"I know."

"Then get the fuck out." Sanji stubbed out his dying cigarette and lit a fresh one.

Zoro sat down beside him, their shoulders brushing.

"You were cooking the whole day; thought you'd be tired." Zoro shrugged, and Sanji edged away from the warmth, bringing in his legs and clasping them with his arms. His mind really wanted to succumb and forget everything that had happened, but he remained where he was.

"I cook every day, idiot ma-muscle head." Sanji muttered.

"It's marimo." Zoro corrected him, and Sanji huffed. He hadn't called Zoro that since they'd broken up because it sounded too affectionate a term to use.

"What do you want?" Sanji asked snappily.

"You." Zoro met his eyes, and Sanji's cigarette fell out of his gaping mouth.

"Go play with yourself." The blonde man hissed. Zoro didn't reply, but the beginning of a smirk tugged at his lips.

"I think I've given you enough time – weeks – to think, cook." Zoro said.

"You have no idea what's going on in my mind." Sanji said, voice wavering, and he felt himself weakening.

Zoro shifted into a more comfortable position, not arguing. Sanji shot him a puzzled look. If Zoro was here to talk, he'd better start talking; otherwise Sanji was going to kick him (literally) out of the Crow's Nest.

"Cook…" Zoro seemed to be contemplating on how to say what he wanted to say. "I'm not good with words, but I know one thing."

"What?" Sanji asked.

"At first I thought it was weakness to… submit my _heart_ to you, but then I realised that it's strength." Zoro continued, and Sanji wondered where he was going with it, but he couldn't deny that he was pleasantly surprised and repulsed at hearing Zoro say something so cheesy.

"I know you feel some kind of weakness, especially after what happened at Thriller Bark…" Sanji held up a hand to stop Zoro.

"We're not going there." Sanji said sullenly.

Zoro waved away the hand. "I'm not going to change who I am, and all of us are going to continue being in danger, so you gotta accept it. It's _weakness_ running away from how you feel."

_I have too many reasons to continue living… I have you, love cook._

Sanji mulled over his words reluctantly.

"It's okay to use love as a source of strength." Zoro concluded, seeming proud of himself for delivering that speech.

"Bet you took the whole week to come up with that." Sanji murmured, and Zoro shot him a half-hearted glare.

"So?" Zoro prodded him.

"So what?" Sanji frowned sulkily.

"So quickly realise what I realised and come back to me!" Zoro blurted out.

"Yeah, yeah." Sanji grumbled, grabbing the white material of Zoro's t-shirt and yanking him close. The kiss was mind-blowing, probably because it was better than what Sanji had remembered it to feel like.

The stupid swordsman was right, Sanji thought. He was always beating around the bush in denial inside his own head, but Zoro's frankness was a blessing some times. He almost laughed out, but contented himself with shoving Zoro down to the floor and deepening the kiss.

"Marimo?"

"Mmph?"

"You better not die." Sanji felt a lump rising in his throat.

"Not until Luffy's the Pirate King, I become the best swordsman in the world and _you_ see All Blue, love cook." Zoro said in a breathy rush.

"Good." Sanji blinked away the tears welling up in his eyes, and Zoro reached up to thumb them away.

"Don't be such a pansy, _wuss_." Zoro chuckled, and Sanji growled, thumping him hard on the head and proceeding to kiss him again.

Sanji wondered why it had taken _so damn long_ for Zoro to tell him all that.

Now they had a lot of catching up to do for the lost time.

(((())))

"Usopp, let them fight!" Luffy whined. "You too, Franky!"

"I'm not going to let them destroy my superrrrr ship!" Franky yelled, and Usopp had his hands at his face in horror.

"Relax, didn't you say this was the best material money could buy?" Nami said, strangely calm, while Robin watched the spectacle with a strange smile on her face.

"Zoro's still injured…" Chopper began hesitantly.

"But they're funny!" Luffy grinned, chortling with laughter at Sanji's insults.

"Yohohohoho~" Brook sang out, stringing out a love song on his violin. Two murderous glances came his way immediately, and he shivered, stopping his bow. "How harsh!~" And he continued humming at the top of his vocal chords (if he had vocal chords).

"SHUT UP AND STOP SINGING!" Zoro and Sanji yelled simultaneously, and Luffy's guffaws grew louder.

In the back of his mind, in the midst of their fight, Sanji couldn't help having a nagging feeling that even more horrid things would come their way soon, and he didn't feel strong enough yet.

But hearing the sounds of his nakama's laughter and Usopp's shrieks, he decided he'd deal with them when they hit him.

_-end-_

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Yeah, I wanted to try angst. I originally planned a longer fic with an angsty ending, but my angst isn't that well written, and happy endings make me happy. I think this is the first time I felt a biiit of OOCness. ):

_But anyway, hope it was a good read to kill time. x)_

Comments always welcome. :D


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